Written: Tuesday, 2/4/14
I am currently writing this on a pages document as my internet is out. It’s only just at freezing but the trees have ice on them from the other night. It’s raining and with strong winds and trees are down everywhere. Our high top van and strong winds don’t mix well so my dad almost couldn’t come to get me from school due to that and all the fallen trees and limbs. We even had to run over one tree across the rode that was just barley flat enough for our van to make it. Our back yard is COVERED in fallen limbs, my brother said it looks like a tree war zone.
Well, our electricity just wen’t out, at least my laptop is fully charged. We’re so blessed to have a gas heater and stove. We live in the middle of no-where so it will be probably be a day or too till our electricity comes back on, and a maybe 4 or 5 till our interned line gets repaired. If our school isn’t closed tomorrow I can always post this using their internet.
I’m calling this the “Great Tree Trimming of 2014” haha. As I said, we live in the middle of no-where and are surrounded by trees, if you look up our house on google earth you can’t see the top because them so it’s no wonder out every things out.
My dad is pretty prepared and we have plenty of flashlights and a generator for electricity if we really needed it (no use running it if we don’t have to).
Well, I originally wanted to write about my nightmares and fears, but the storm we’ve been having ties into it.
I have nightmares a lot, I never realized it, but I do. When I say I never realized it, I mean that I didn’t keep track of them, I tried to forget about them during the day. I wasn’t until recently that I noticed I have them every night, for awhile I didn’t dream at all.
Sunday, I went to take a nap about 4, right before the super bowl started. I dreamed about my sister. I dreamed she turned into a bee, and we had to catch her and paralyze her, if we did that we had a dust or potion or something that would turn her back human. We kept trying to catch her but she always got loose. The last time we were in a room full of people and when she got lose we tried to tell everyone not to smash her, that she wasn’t really a bee! We asked them to help us catch her but all they did was swat at her! She eventually got hit hard enough and fell to the ground dead. My dreams are weird. Next we were at a hospital, one of my friends was having surgery (one of my friends actually had back surgery the monday before and it was about him). Next my friend Logan’s dad died and while I was trying to comfort him someone came and told me my grandfather had died. Now, this whole story took much longer to play out, and there were all these random plot lines unfolding at the same time! It was super confusing. The weird thing was, my grandfather who died was my dad’s dad, who has already died. It’s like he died again, or had really been alive all this time and I didn’t know!
When I woke up I was really shaken up. It was about 9 so I stayed up for a little while, but went back to bed about 11. When I went back to bed, I had another nightmare. To be honest, I don’t remember what is was about. Like I said, I try to forget nightmares. We didn’t go to school Monday as the storm was rolling in, and I was the first one to go to bed. As I laid in bed last night (Monday night) I herd my bother talking to my mom and I could hear tree branches falling and I was scared, not for myself, but for them. For me, my greatest fear is not me being hurt, but someone I love being hurt. I listened to them talk and I thought about what would happen if a tree fell on our house and killed one of them. I had to ask my mom for sleeping medicine just to go to sleep even though I was exhausted.
I’ve always been afraid for my family’s safety, even when I was little. I remember being as a little girl being afraid my dad wouldn’t come home from work, my brother or sister from school, or my mom from the grocery store. I would run and hug and kiss them and look at them thinking I would never see them again. It was what I feared most. When I see a movie or read a book about a war or the end of the world, I’m always scared I would be in that situation and not be able to protect my family. What if I couldn’t? That is my greatest fear.
Most of my nightmares are related to me fighting or trying to protect someone. I’ve even had a few about my cats or other animals: not being able to find them, them getting hit in the rode or gotten by a hawk, and several about my house catching on fire and not being able to get them out. The fire dream is the only one out of those that hasn’t happened, but I’ve had lots of them, not just about animals but family too…
Lot of what I dream about has happened, to me or my friends. My friend Bonnie is only a year or two older than me and has two younger sisters that are 13 and 11 I think. Their father died right after Christmas…just randomly. He wasn’t sick or really over weight and he just had a heart attack and died a few hours later. Maybe thats why I had a dream about my friend Logan’s dad.
It’s not that all my night mares are the worst thing you could imagine, but they’re enough. My friends tell me I’m lucky because their nightmares keep them from sleeping. The truth is that I can’t wake up, I’m trapped in whatever nightmare I’m in and even though I am sleeping, it’s not restful sleep and I’m even tireder. Nightmares that you can’t escape and sleep that doesn’t do you any good isn’t better than just being able to escape the nightmares. At least if you’re a wake you can read, or write or something. I’m not saying my predicament is worse, I’m saying it’s unfair of them to say that they have it worse when they haven’t been in my shoes. I’ve been in theirs. I’ve had sleepless night because of nightmares before, just not anymore.